This began as a review of Lars and the Real Girl but became something else, I'm not sure what

Is it plausible that an emotionally repressed young man so psychologically and emotionally clouded with unresolved guilt and grief (his parents died in the not-so-distant past) could purchase a life-size sex doll that's 100% anatomically accurate down to the minutest hair follicle, and fall in love with her/it, and so delude himself into believing they do indeed have a "real relationship" involving everthing that real relationships involve (including verbal communication) but not ... not sex, the very activity the lifesize doll was designed for? Probably not that plausible.

And what's even more implausible: that a young unmarried man (a quiet and shy young man with no girlfriend, at least not a human girlfriend) could purchase a pricey sex doll and not have sex with her/it, or that he could buy her and believe her to be a real woman? And a woman who would actually speak to him.

In the sex doll's defense, I must say her face does demonstrate a more dynamic range of movement, especially her long eyelashes, than, say, Joan Rivers' or Cher's or many of those Real Housewives' faces. And is she stacked, boy oh boy! Good Lord is she sportin' the rack! What did my Dad call them -- "Winnebagos" -- was it? My Dad actually owned a Winnebago or two in his day. The motorhome. And those thick pouty lips on that doll would certainly make Angelina Jolie jealous, I'd bet, were Brad Pitt to bring one home. In doll terms, she's a lot hotter than Barbie. She's almost human hot, she's so hot. I can see why Lars would like her; why he'd mail order her home like a Russian bride; why he'd want to get to know her better. In a desperate situation, in fact, like if a gender-specific plague were let loose on the planet (read Frank Herbert's The White Plague for that), and no real women were left around alive on the earth for the men to fuck (and as Donald Antrim said in The Verificationist: "Everybody needs someone to fuck") I'd wager that most men would probably do her/it, in a heartbeat. Would I?

Would I? My first impulse was to reply to my own hypothetical question with, "A true gentleman never tells". But I've never pretended to be much of a gentleman in my life (read the above paragraph), so why would I lie and hide behind pretense? So, yeah, I'll admit it, I'd do her/it, even if Lars wouldn't. Though, since I'm a married man, does sex with a sex doll constitute adultery? I wouldn't want to do that. Commit adultery. Also, I'm wondering, if I were still religious like I used to be, would I have committed a sin by having sex with the sex doll? And what if I wore a condom while banging the sex doll? Would the Pope applaud, or disapprove? And would my wife, whom, of course, I'd much rather do all night and day than some pricey anatomically accurate femininely fashioned oversized piece of plasstic, then have legal grounds to divorce me in a supreme court of law, assuming I did do said doll every which way? If my wife divorced me because of the doll, would I then have the legal right to marry the doll, like Lars intends to marry his doll, toward the beginning of the movie?

Lars and the Real Girl raises a host of tough questions; ethical and moral conundrums much too complex for me to attempt and unravel here.

Therefore, on second thought, seeing how complicated screwing a piece of plastic could become, I'd just as soon steer clear of the dear doll, and instead, highly recommend queing up Lars and the Real Girl on your Netflix asap.

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