A Girl's Best Friend

***The naughtyhottie  is the author of this post***

I don't want to flave over books right now.  I just finished Justin Bieber's awesome autobiography, First Step 2 Forever: My Story, that he wrote himself!  It's amazing, but I'm still "processing it," like my hair stylist says I should, whenever I read something deep, before I tweet about it.  It rocks, though, I can say that.  I give it 4 woo hoos

Today I want to talk about a girl's best friend.  And no, silly willys, I'm not talking about chocolate or chihuahuas.  Or Justin Bieber.  LOL.  And definitely not diamonds either!

Go ahead and giggle, but let me tell you something, when your BFF, as in your "Boy Friend Forever," has had too much to drink, and that dangly drawbridge of his won't rise to let the ship pass through (no matter what you try and do!) then big Mister D. (your always alert and ready disembodied penis -- HA!  I just made that up) can come in pretty handyFive woo hoos for Mister D.!  Woo hoo, woo hoo, woo hoo, woo hoo, woo hoo!!!!!

Or, like, forget if he's drunk for a sec, what if your BFF is so ridiculously obsessed with the NFL on Sundays (the only full day you get to spend together!) that he forgets all about you?  What's a girl to do?  Mister D.!  That's who! 

I can't believe that my BFF would rather watch big burly men get so freaking physical with each other, grabbing and clawing like animals at each other, than spend some quality time tackling me to the ground!  I'd love to get tackled like that on Sunday.  But I'm not.  And I'm hot!  It's so weird!

And what is it, anyway, with men and football?  Or just men and their balls period!  I swear!  Forget boobs, Girls, men are actually more obsessed with balls.  It's so pathetically true.  Think about it.  I mean, if it's not football, then its basketball, or soccer balls, or ping pong balls, or golf balls, or tennis balls, or volleyballs ... it never ends! 

Have you ever been to a ballgame and seen how excited your BFF gets whenever some goofball lobs a beach ball and it dings and dongs off people's heads like a pin ball?  No matter how big your boobs are, he'll still get more excited by balls.

Even little boys go bonkers over balls: gum balls or crazy balls, like they haven't been playing with their own balls enough already!  Trust me, I used to baby sit little boys.  I know.

And then there's billiard balls every Friday night and bowling balls every Monday night and those big grapefruit-sized soft balls every Winsday night!  Guys might as well worship balls!

And even if he does take you out somewhere, finally, what the heck does he always order every time: Spaghetti and meat balls!  Or rice balls with his sushi.  Guh-rossssss!

And what if your BFF is of the Hebrew persuasion, like my last BFF was, then its matzo balls.  Puh-lease! 

And if your BFF notices another man acting like a man, the way a man is already supposed to act like -- like a man -- then he'll say, "Wow, that Dude is ballsy," or, "He's got balls" (well, duh, he is a man right, and every man has a set hello!), or, if your BFF is Hispanic, like my seventh-to-last BFF was, it's "He's got cajones!"

And if a girl acts like she's got balls? ... She's a bitch.

That's why my ball-less, big Mister D., in my opinion, will always be a girl's best friend.

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